“East to West” by: Casting Crowns

“Bring the Rain” by: Mercy Me

the heart of worship

To my God

I am forever indebted to your love and grace. through all the trials in my life.. you have always been there.. when I am alone.. your hand gives me strength. When I am weak.. you are my redeemer.. when I am tired you carry me with your love.. when i don’t understand why.. you tell me to let go and believe in your word. Through so many ups and downs.. hard times and blessings you have stood by my side. So many times have I turned my back to you.. forgetting your worth.. staining your glory. Father in Heaven.. you are my strong tower. You are my rock and my shield. You pick me up and wipe my tears away.. with the gentle breeze whispering all will be ok. I praise you God for creating the heavens.. blessing me with the temptations and trials that strengthen my spirit. I thankyou for the hardship in my life you have given me.. because you love me sincerely and have plans to lift me up and sustain me. I trust in your word.. in your promises and I believe you Oh Lord that you are the hand of the heavens, the strength of the Earth, the Almighty with his eyes on the sparrow. Though I am weak.. let me be weak in flesh and strong to you. Though my body may fail.. let me fall into your prescence. Though my spirit cries.. let my tears turn my heart to your heart.. let nothing else matter. Thankyou for this day.. thankyou for all the loved ones you have placed in my life.. thankyou for being my God. In the powerful precious name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

sunshine with the rain

.. it was a beautiful afternoon drive. Im chilling in the passenger seat of the Bronco.. Jason in the drivers seat with Cat/herine and Julie in the back. With a Jack Johnson CD in we’re cruising on the way to Duke to spend the night with some of Brandon’s friends. Its a pretty decent drive to Durham NC.. around three to four hours and Its my first time going to Duke.. Im also a bit eager to see a friend from Korea. Everyone’s enjoying the acoustics when we see the thunder clouds in the sky. About half way there.. it starts. Curtains and curtains of rain thunder down.. we can barely see the road and pull over at a gas station somewhere in North Carolina. We wait endlessly for it to stop.. yet it doesn’t. For a while. Suddenly.. for whatever reason I have a strong desire to run in the rain. I felt tired. Tired of staying dry.. tired of staying safe. I wanted to do something different.. I wanted to be free. In the middle of the gas station.. i grab Cat and drag her into the rain. I am so glad I did. We start to have a … rain fight. As dysfunctional and childish as that may sound.. yesterday was one of the most liberating experiences in my life. People staring in disbelief.. we yell and scream.. pick each other up and throw one another around. Brandon grabs Julie and screaming and kicking we all revert back to teenagers. Luckily.. there weren’t too many people to witness our shame.. yet it was one of those moments when nothing really mattered. I believe everyone has pent up pressure inside.. desires and emotions that are sometimes difficult to let out. You only need the right opportunity and the balls to see the greatness in every situation… in this way we encountered the perfect remedy for our hopeless situation. i vividly remember a little boy rolling down the window and staring with amazement.. his face utterly priceless. Its been such a long time since Ive felt so liberated.. however, not the first time i have made an utter fool of myself. My shirt torn.. shorts drenched…. hair wet we get back into the Bronco. Exhausted but content.. all of the stress and overwhelming pressure of the world dissipated from my conscious. Cat is still complaining in the back.. Brandon is laughing at Julie since she wore white. Nevertheless.. it is a memory that gives a little insight why life is worth it. Wow..

hand in hand

 

today i saw something special.. which leads me to this question.

what is  . .  .             love?

is it the words of a lover?

“i love you”.. or.. “..i will forever love you…”

spoken passionately in desire.. or softly whispered in the ear. 

is it the pungeant perfume in the spring air heightening the senses and fulfilling life’s promises.

or the handsome man or stunning woman that quickens your heart.. slowing down time.. your hands unsure and mind in doubt.

can you feel it?  how does it feel?  do we really understand it?  deserve it?  we yearn for this idea we call love..yet are cheaply satiated with.. other lesser substitutes.  therefore.. are our own yearnings sincere..? furthermore, can we claim to be?

is it the breeze in the wind.. the stars in the sky.. the grass in the field.. birds in the air.. bond of a mother.. embrace of a child.. the slow kiss.. union of flesh…

is it the mournful song..

does it fade like the waning sky..  or persist like the tides of the oceans…

what is lost love?  what happens to the love that was once shared?

does it go to the lover’s cemetery.. buried, kept hidden, forgotten. 

what is love?

today.  . .  i witnessed it.

it was stunning.. like a revelation from eternity, God shifted the universe and time to reveal a window of passing..a sight for my eyes to lay upon and understand.  Today my heart cherished something precious and I grew again.  Through this sight.. I am a better man.

Rarely does something so subtle impact my life.. going to the core of my being.

On a calm breezy day.. there was a handsome old man and woman.. walking hand in hand.

i stood for a couple of seconds still and quiet.. letting this moment and sight sink into my soul.  I studied the vision before me.. a man of many years.. his back arched and sunken from the weight of countless untold struggles.. clean dressed and obsolete of the worries of the young.  Grace given in old age.. his hand outstretched to grasp his wife.  His soul-mate and his lover.  Once young and passionate they held each other through countless nights..countless ordeals and struggles.  Heart-ache and pain those hands embraced..hand in hand.. together and strong.  I could imagine a vibrant life long ago.  A woman without wrinkles..once gorgeous and graceful in a lazy summers dress..the center of attention with numerous prospects.  Her hair long and glimmering, lightly perfumed she would capture the hearts of many.. yet only choose one.  Her husband, tall, strong, vibrant and easy going in his demeanor.  Charissmatic and charming.. a bull in his prime.  One fateful day..he would fall in love with his beauty.. dedicating his life for their future.  Throughout the years.. I imagined her looks slowly waning.. the make-up applied to cover the emerging wrinkles..hair a little shorter and dress more modest. 

 The pursuers now gone, admirers vanished to a new generation with toddlers about and a new life.  Finally, at a ripened old age.. beauty long vanished along with the jubilence of youth a memory.  He would still lay beside her in their bed…alone in the world except for their love.. and whisper in her ear just as passionately as countless days ago how beautiful she truly is.  Softly and powerfully he would convey how much he loved this woman and perhaps nudge her to a fit of laughter.. easing the aches and burdens of long life.  I gazed at this man and woman.. and realized without doubt this old wary couple could very well be the two most radiant individuals to grace my eyes in many years. 

I wanted to share this amazing sight.. to grab hands and point for other eyes to witness this soulful spectacle.. brief and gone like a streaking meteor in the night sky.  I wanted to go to them.. shake their tired wrinkly hands.  Ask them to impart their wisdom and understanding into my heart.. see their struggle and believe in their passion.   to feel their pain.. their loss..to partake of something so special.  Cry with their triumph. . congratulating them for overcoming the world that so desperately humiliates the strong and weak alike.. stealing the souls of the innocent and rejoicing at our failures.  A world where countless lovers of enduring passion.. of bright futures and golden tomorrows were cut short.. a lesser love .. without the strength to endure and stolen from the woes of broken promises. 

Most importantly,  I felt through this couple…

through this wrinkled, earnest old man and woman…

a committment so pure and sincere it transformed its inhabitants into something more than human.. like the Greeks who wisely said wisdom is gained through suffering.  this couple of many years demonstrated in one simple graceful motion all of the potential man-kind could exhibit.  They exemplified the perserverance of the human spirit, the deep dedication that is seen through.. 

 In one act, he demonstrated all that I could be, should be, will be… a vision one day I will tread in his shoes with a life-time of memories and love to contemplate, ambering along ever so slowly.. eternity in my grasp. 

Out of respect.. i stood quietly and said nothing.

I stood motionless for many minutes watching them. .until finally they were before me.   

Then I took a picture.

Without them noticing, they continued in their journey, slow and without hurry, into the distant horizon and into my soul and memory forever.

“Hosanna” by: Hillsong

shattered glass

forces from beyond propel the cup from the table

lifelessly it wanders to the earth, careless and free in exasperated relief

the point of contact..where two points touch..redefines its existence

like a snapshot in eternity, a fleeting moment seen only in reflection’s eye

violently without purpose strewn apart

from the pressure of the world and illusion of lost strength

fragments implode beauty lost

integrity gone forever changed

shattered pieces on the floor

swept together thrown away

Boxing Gym and Church/Praise Band

Yonsei Eagles Football and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Tournament

Seoul night life and Charity Work