First Church Sunday

America, America

home of the free, land of the brave

i left you so long ago

now.. nothing is the same.

Yesterday a dream..

tomorrow uncertain.

what gain is loss?

my path is broken.

what pain is loss?

my trust is broken.

what hope is loss?

my heart is broken.

Oh God please let me be certain.

Oh God please let me be certain.

John Mayer: “Gravity”

John Mayer: “Heart of Life”

Every Goodbye is a Small Death

The time for parting was inevitable.  From the moment we stepped off the plane.. like a distant yesterday, we knew that every experience and moment we shared in this remote land would conclude in a goodbye.. a hand shake.. a warm embrace.. a longing heart and the solitary walk in life that we must all experience when the music fades.  Another chapter in life has been completed, and another begins.  This chapter concludes with me now.. recapping my experience over the past four months with a somber spirit, contrite in reflection and in awe of destiny.  I am amazed.  I am in shock.  I am in disbelief that so many wonderful experiences, so many challenges and fulfillment will now conclude with the dimming of the lights and the curtains slowly drawing.  Looking back, I gaze at the past with memories perception, watching the soft snow drift lazily in Incheon International Airport as the plane touched down.  I remember the utter excitement and eager anticipation for tomorrow.. for tomorrow.  Now.. these memories are embedded in my soul, oh so near my soul that I can never be the same person again as I remember yesterday.  I look back over Yesterday, so eager for tomorrow, and the Present seems surreal.  Not in many years have I felt this way.. a feeling of complete loss and surrender into the hands of God.  There are so many ways I can write this post, and in itself this documentation is as important as the experiences they detail since they are connected hand in hand.  I will only say that life is like a moving current, always shifting and forever changing.  The constants in life are few.. as well as quality friends to whom you can lean upon for guidance and support.  I am very pleased to say that I have found such people here, and that in itself makes this experience worthwhile.  However, I am in disbelief, even to myself at the amount I have accomplished.  With God’s grace, my eyes have been opened to the beauty of life, to the heartbreak of loving and the joy of trusting. 

Korea is a beautiful place.. it has much promise and I remember vividly the joy of being alive.. here.  I love Korea for its lifestyle, always busy and forever in motion.  So many people are here, so much activity.. I wonder how will I adopt to the suburban life-style again.  IN my short stay here, I have aquired the titles of boxer, university athlete, praise band member, brother, friend, and even from time to time..”basketball jang”. . or king of the court.  Yet, these titles are worthless without the purpose for which God intended them to impact my life… which leads me to the conclusion of this journey.  If I could tell myself 4 months prior what the outcome of this experience would be.. my words would echo..”God has a purpose for your life and Korea will clarify and brighten the path to your destiny.” 

I once heard that every goodbye is a small death.  and.. in a way its true.  Even so now, my heart is heavy and inwardly I cry as endearing friends depart from my life.  Never, to again cross paths, destiny has not yet revealed.  Yet, the longing road we travel we must travel alone, and in this journey a helping hand is a gift from God.  Such gifts, are not lightly taken, and on the dusk of departure, I can only trust their fate and well-being into his hands.  Every death is a longing goodbye, and in the same manner I let go praying and hoping for the warmth of tomorrow to lighten this load.  I feel.. in Korea, I have found many things.. and in this discovery.. is more sorrow.  For in discovering something of importance.. the loss of losing is evermore present.  

Tomorrow is a new day.. and I will leave behind so many memories.  Yet.. in my heart they reside.  New challenges await.. and I wholeheartedly look to God’s favor and support to the next chapter of my life.. so as they say..

until we meet again.

much love peace and joy.. from Ken in Korea.. its been a real pleasure.  

God Bless. 

“Magnificent” by: Hillsong

6 AM

ITS 6AM.. BESIDE ME ARE 4 CUPS OF COFFEE.  EMPTY.  2 CANS OF “THE DREAM OF TEA,” EMPTY.  I HAVENT SLEPT IN.. 34 HOURS.  THE COMPUTER LAB IS EMPTY.. I OUTLASTED ALL OF MY FRIENDS.. THEY’RE KNOCKED THE **** OUT NOW.  I FINISHED MY GROUP PRESENTATION @4AM.  NOW IM WRITING MY TERM PAPER.  DUE IN 5 HOURS.  THE GIRL BESIDE ME DIDN’T THINK I COULD WRITE 2000 WORDS IN 7 HOURS.  I DONT BLAME HER.. I GUESS IT ISN’T REALLY NORMAL TO DO SO. .WITH FULL CITATION AND PROPER REFERENCES.. BUT IT’S OK.. SHE DOESN’T KNOW ME AT ALL.  IM ALREADY A THIRD OF THE WAY THROUGH.. AND THIS IS MY BREAK.  IT WAS AMUSING WATCHING HER JAW DROP AT THE AMOUNT OF BS I CAN COME UP WITH LITTLE TO NO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE TOPIC.  .  BUT.. BEFORE I GET TOO COCKY I BETTER GET BACK TO IT.  IM ON A TIGHT DEADLINE.. AND THIS DAY WILL ONLY GET LONGER.  I REALLY WONDER HOW LONG A PERSON CAN GO WITHOUT SLEEP.. BEFORE SOMETHING PERMANENTLY IS DAMAGES.  IM KINDA CURIOUS TO FIND OUT. 

Four AM

its four am and i have some issues on my mind.. time is ticking and i just went for a run.  Life is great.. too good here.  I have everything I want.  Today at church, the pastor asked for a miracle.  He asked the congregation to come up if u have an incurable disease, and by faith he would heal it.  I couldnt help but think about my mom, and I thought about the Centurion in the Bible who had a measure of faith for his servant.. so I went up.  Please understand.. I would do anything for my mom.  If my mom was on the line.. that’s all the motivation I need.  Going up.. with two other girls.. he talked to them first in front of the masses.  Then he passed the mic to me.. and I stood silently for a couple of seconds while almost a thousand peeps looked on.  I told them about my mom.. how she is sick in America and the reason that I am going home is for her.  I told them my thoughts and how I felt.. and asked in faith for her healing.  And they prayed..

Like I said..everything here is good.. it seems I have nothing but problems waiting for me in VA.  But its all good.  Life is a test and I been at it for a while.  Im preparing to say goodbye to my peeps here.  Chill peeps from LA, New York, Boston, Hawaii, Korea of course, China, Japan..everywhere.  The girls love me here lol.. i made somebody cry when I told her I was leaving.  Im chilling super hard though..but now Finals are here…

My Jiu Jitsu is getting rusty.. but ima shine that up in the states.  I’m sad to say goodbye to my Boxing teachers in Shinchon, and they’re gonna be hella mad or disappointed because of the match in August I was training for.  Whelp.. looks like the show is almost over.  I still got some biznezz to handle.. looking forward to bungie jumping, paintball, and traveling the world.. but itz about to wrap it up..until next time yahearrrd.

some words from my boy from Philly

my boy wrote this.. i edited it a lot for profanity and his friends..but his words capture the essence of Korea.. nightlife that is. real cool dude.. and he smokes a lot..but really smart.

i should also add that his view point is from his experiences..not mine. Nevertheless, they are legitimate experiences and should be noted.  Notice the heavy emphasis on drinking and clubs.  Unfortunately, in Korea, this is a very important, if not the only, source of entertainment.  Korean youth generally find themselves in bars, clubs, pc bangs, singing rooms, restaurants, or movies to pass the weekends.  I participated in this lifestyle very briefly, but was immediately turned off to it.  Let’s see what its like through his eyes.

“Korea has a lot of crappy cars(korean cars)- a lot of nice ones too (seen Lambos, Ferraris and Skyline and what not.) everybody on their hussle in Korea- whether it be greeting people at a supermarket or selling food in the subway. food is banging all the time, weather be killing me, subway is chillinnn only dollar to cross seoul, and as many transfers as you want. all schoolgirls are ugly. i miss the triangle kimbap. walking in apku you see dimes- yeah i said it, DIMES. Philly was DEEP in the motherland yaheardd. why was everybody so rowdy mang? hahahaha oh well it was fun. ssam gyup sal, aw mannn- MESSED up Henry and Sang.. but anyway, everybody else liked it, hahah. June always hooked it up with the butter kimchi. all those nights drinking at Milk Bar, H20, Havannah Monkey, Zen II, pojangmahchas, house parties, in the middle of the freaking street, any bar that was around- gotdamn, alcohol was my righthand man in Korea. yup, did a lot of throwing up, chilllllllinnnn. but it was cheap as dirt so whats goooood. quoted a lot of Chris Rock up there. rapped with a lot of random people. met a lot of random famous people. met a lot of cool people that i hope to keep in touch with. got a chance to smoke.. 2G’s of AK47 rolled with dutches but 10heads.. yall kno i was beastin dat blunt. the guys were just huntin girls straight off the plane mang. hollerin at them shorties was a mission, but shoooottt.. we got thangs accomplished right? hahah. how come ahjumas dig my style? they all giggly with me and stuff, touching my underwear and stuff. leave me alone and stuff. clubbin is POPPIN in Korea, but u’d be surprised a lot of females are dikes. fob guys are gay. i’ll miss you Harlem, both NB’s, Underground, 4X, Limelight, Zen and everywhere else, too bad we got kicked out of everywhere. shoppins a trip. itaewon merchants tell me they got “hiphop” clothes when i walk by like i’m supposed to jump at it. itaewon got them freaks tho, Hooker Hill holler at me!!! it was fun talkin to girls one day then never seein em again, all for the gaaame baaby… we even infiltrated the language barriers in that place. who says yall gotta communicate with girls- if you got game you dont need one word, hahaha. but girls ANYWHERE in the world are still drawwlllinnn mannn, whew.. let my xxx breathe. but yup, i’ll miss you itaewon, shinchon, anam, mee ah, myongdong, dongdaemun, ee dae, jamwon, hongdae, and a special shoutout to apku, for holdin on to me so long while we be huggin that street. we Rodeo riiiders. …all love for….xxx..and all them Yongsan military cats, holler at us EARLY when you get to PHILLY, ya heardddd. i miss all of yall a lot mang. yall made me feel real comfortable when i was on the other side of the world, love yall for that. and MUCH love to my xxx….i know i’m forgettin some of yall, but iuno.. leave an eprop here or something, remind me.. haha. Tony hyung doing real good to anyone who wants to know. still partyin hard and still knockin niggas outttt, hahah. he said he might come visit us sometime in the winter. Korea hot as stuff. America air conditioned compared to Korea, i swear. and the rain like syrup, hurt when it hit you and stuff. darn, theres so much more then this, it seems like it was all a dream and stuff, but here i am again…”

~another perspective on Korea.. holla.

Doing laundry.

its 3am now.. and im doing laundry.  this is my second post..something really annoying happened and my first blog was deleted.. so im writing another..pretty much of the same thing.  Today was pretty miserable.  it rained hella hard and i had to walk a long azz way in it from Pucheon bus stop to my students house.  That was not pleasant at all.. lol.  There are a bunch of students here doing their thing.. studying and chatting.. but for me laundry is priority.  Im pretty low now.  I dont want to go back to America.. i feel i really have nothing too important there waiting for me.. and i prolly wouldnt be coming back if not for my mom and education.  So.. i gotta take care of that first.  I only have about 3 weeks left here.. 3 weekends of traveling left for me to do.  So far.. i have Daegu, Pusan, and Japan on the list.. everything else has been pretty much checked off.  Life is good.. i have my health, my sanity, my intellect and my heart.  I have friends and I have God.. I have almost everything i need.  Laundry should be done now.. gotta put it in the dryer now lol. holla.